shrek
1 Shrek
2 Shrek
См. также в других словарях:
Shrek 2 — Título Shrek 2 Ficha técnica Dirección … Wikipedia Español
Shrek — Título Shrek Ficha técnica Dirección Andrew Adamson V … Wikipedia Español
Shrek 3 — Shrek le troisième Shrek le troisième Réalisation Andrew Adamson, Kelly Asbury et Conrad Vernon Durée 1h33 Sortie 13 juin 2007 Shrek le troisième (Shrek The Third) est un film en images de synthèse de Andrew Adamson, Kelly Asbury et Conrad Vernon … Wikipédia en Français
Shrek 3D — Données clés Titre original Shrek 3D Pays d’origine États Unis Sortie 2004 … Wikipédia en Français
Shrek — steht für Name: Shrek (Schaf), ein neuseeländisches Schaf, das weltweite Bekanntheit erlangte Bücher: Shrek!, Kinderbuch von William Steig, Basis für die Filmreihe Filme: Shrek – Der tollkühne Held Shrek 2 – Der tollkühne Held kehrt zurück Shrek… … Deutsch Wikipedia
Shrek! — Autor William Steig Género cuento Subgénero literatura infantil … Wikipedia Español
Shrek — Film d animation de Victoria Jenson et Andrew Adamson. Pays: Grande Bretagne et États Unis Date de sortie: 2001 Technique: couleurs Durée: 1 h 30 Prix: Oscar du meilleur dessin animé Résumé L ogre Shrek aime bien la solitude de … Dictionnaire mondial des Films
Shrek — es una película de animacion computarizada producida por los estudios Dreamworks, ganadora de un Oscar como mejor película animada. Su continuación fue Shrek 2. Shrek es un ogro maloliente que vive en un horrible pantano; odia ser molestado y es… … Enciclopedia Universal
Shrek — Infobox Film name = Shrek caption = Offical poster for Academy Award winning Shrek director = Andrew Adamson Vicky Jenson producer = Jeffrey Katzenberg Aron Warner John H. Williams writer = Screenplay: Ted Elliott Terry Rossio Joe Stillman Roger… … Wikipedia
Как пишется шрек по английскому
1 Shrek
См. также в других словарях:
Шрек 2 — англ. Shrek 2 … Википедия
Шрек-2 — Shrek 2 Жанр Комедия фэнтези мультипликация Режиссёр Эндрю Адамсон Конрад Вернон Продюсер … Википедия
Шрек II — Шрек 2 Shrek 2 Жанр Комедия фэнтези мультипликация Режиссёр Эндрю Адамсон Конрад Вернон Продюсер … Википедия
Шрек-3 — Шрек Третий Shrek the Third Жанр Комедия фэнтези мультипликация Режиссёр Крис Миллер Раман Хьюи Продюсер … Википедия
Шрек 4 — Шрек идёт четвёртым Shrek Goes Fourth Жанр Комедия Режиссёр Майк Митчелл Автор сценария Тим Салливан В главных ролях Майк Майерс, Эдди Мёрфи … Википедия
Шрек 3 — Шрек Третий Shrek the Third Жанр Комедия фэнтези мультипликация Режиссёр Крис Миллер Раман Хьюи Продюсер … Википедия
Шрек! — Шрек Shrek! Обложка российского издания 2007 года … Википедия
Шрек — Шрек: Шрек, Макс (1879 1936) немецкий актёр. Шрек, Юлиус (1898 1936) создатель и первый Рейхсфюрер СС (Оберляйтер СС). Шрек добродушный зелёный огр, персонаж детской книги Уильяма Стейга «Шрек!», а также снятой по её мотивам… … Википедия
ШРЕК — «ШРЕК» (Shrek), США, DreamWorks, 2001, 85 мин. Анимационный фильм по книге Уильяма Стига. В некотором царстве, в некотором государстве жил был зеленый великан Шрек, говорящий голосом Майка Майерса (Остин Пауэрс). Он слыл нелюдимым брюзгой и даже… … Энциклопедия кино
шрек — сущ., кол во синонимов: 5 • пугало (39) • страшила (37) • страшилище (43) • … Словарь синонимов
Шрек — (Иоганн Матиас Schreck) историк церкви (1733 1808), профессор в Лейпциге и Виттенберге. Из его сочинений замечательны: Die Weltgeschichte für Kinder (6 т., Лейпциг, 1779 84 и сл.), исторические компендии, между ними Historia religionis et… … Энциклопедический словарь Ф.А. Брокгауза и И.А. Ефрона
Как пишется шрек по английскому
1Анастейша Стил получила приглашение от Кристиана Грея посетить маскарад, участники которого должны прийти обязательно в облегающих масках, закрывающих половину лица. Он преподнес возлюбленной большую упаковку красного цвета с их превосходными костюмами для вечера. Девушка заинтригована.
Случившееся на вечеринке приводит к расставанию героев, разрывая на первый взгляд устойчивые отношения. Кристиан совершенно не планировал такой исход и всеми способами пытается заслужить прощение. К счастью, Анастейша поддается уговорам, но ставит Грею свои новые условия. Молодой человек с огромным облегчением принимает их, и пара любовников продолжает встречаться. Они снова сливаются в едином блаженстве… Но на этом сложности не заканчиваются.
В новейшем сезоне легендарного сериала агенты Малдер и Скалли продолжат свою деятельность по расследованию запутанных преступлений, связанных с паранормальными явлениями. Сезон состоит из шести серий, содержащих как абсолютно новые истории, так и темы, уже известные зрителям по предыдущим сезонам сериала. Новые серии являются не только продолжением нашумевшей киноистории, но и ее перезапуском – помимо агентов Малдера и Скалли появляются новые персонажи – молодые агенты Миллер и Эйнштейн, верящие в паранормальное с не меньшей убежденностью.
помогите составить рассказ о мультфильме «ШРЕК» на английском языке.
Shrek (Mike Myers), a green ogre that has always enjoyed living in peaceful solitude in his swamp, finds his life disrupted when numerous fairytale beings, including Pinocchio, the Three Little Pigs, and Donkey (Eddie Murphy), are forced into the swamp by order of the obsessive, fairy-tale despising Lord Farquaad (John Lithgow).
Shrek leaves the swamp to ask Farquaad for the return of his privacy, with Donkey happily tagging along. Meanwhile, Farquaad tortures the Gingerbread Man into revealing the whereabouts of the remaining fairytale creatures until his guards rush in with an object Farquaad has been searching for: the Magic Mirror. The Mirror tells him that Farquaad can only become a real king by marrying a princess. The Mirror gives him three princesses to choose from: Cinderella, Snow White, and Princess Fiona (Cameron Diaz). Farquaad chooses Fiona and silences the Mirror before he can mention «the little thing that happens at night» (which is later revealed to be a curse).
Shrek and Donkey arrive at Farquaad’s palace in Duloc, where they find themselves in the midst of a tournament. The winner will have the «privilege» of attempting to rescue Fiona from a castle surrounded by lava and protected by a fire-breathing dragon so that Farquaad may marry her. Shrek (with some help from Donkey) easily beats the other knights in a fashion that resembles a wrestling match and Farquaad agrees to remove the fairytale creatures from the swamp if Shrek rescues Fiona.
Shrek and Donkey travel to the castle and split up to find Fiona. Donkey encounters the dragon and sweet-talks the beast to save himself before discovering that the dragon is female. Dragon takes a liking to Donkey and carries him to her chambers. When Shrek finds Fiona, she is appalled at his lack of romanticism. As they are leaving, Shrek manages to save Donkey, caught in Dragon’s tender clutches, and causing her to become irate, chasing Shrek, Fiona, and Donkey out of the castle. At first, Fiona is thrilled to be rescued but quickly becomes disappointed when Shrek takes his helmet off and she realises that he is an ogre. The three make their return journey to Farquaad’s palace, with Shrek and Fiona finding they have more in common with each other along the way, and falling in love. However, at night, Fiona refuses to camp with them, taking shelter in a nearby cave until morning. Shrek and Donkey stay awake and watch the stars while Shrek informs Donkey that he plans to build a wall around his swamp when he returns. When Donkey persists as to why Shrek would do this, Shrek tells him that everyone judges him before they know him; therefore, he is better off alone.
The next night, Fiona takes shelter in a nearby windmill. When Donkey hears strange noises coming from the windmill, he finds Fiona has turned into an ogress. Fiona explains she was cursed as a child and turns into an ogress every night, which is why she was locked away in the castle, and that only a kiss from her true love will return her to her «love’s true form». Shrek, about to confess his feelings for Fiona, overhears part of their conversation, and is heartbroken as he misinterprets her disgust at her transformation into an «ugly beast» as being disgusted with him. Fiona makes Donkey promise not to tell Shrek about the spell, vowing to do it herself, but when the next morning comes, Shrek has brought Lord Farquaad to Fiona. The two return to the castle, while a hurt Shrek returns to the now-vacated swamp.
Shrek finds that, despite his privacy, he is miserable and misses Fiona. Donkey comes to the swamp, angry at Shrek, and Shrek reveals that he overheard their conversation. Donkey keeps his promise to Fiona and tells Shrek that she was talking about someone else. He then tells him that Fiona will be getting married shortly, urging Shrek into action to gain Fiona’s true love. They are able to travel to Duloc quickly, thanks to Dragon, who had escaped her confines and followed Donkey.
His name is Shrek. His face is round and green. He’s very fat. He’s short. He has two green and long ears. He has big, long hands. The title character of the eponymous series of films and games, this is a huge green Ogre who lives in a swamp, in the vicinity of the city-state of Duloc.
He always liked to live in the peaceful solitude of his swamp.Shrek’s best friends are donkey and puss in boots. Shrek is very funny.
Его зовут Шрек. Лицо у него круглое и зеленое. Он очень толстый. Он невысокий. У него два зеленых и длинных уха. У него большие, длинные руки. Заглавный персонаж одноименной серии фильмов и игр, это огромный зеленый людоед, который живет на болоте, в окрестностях города-государства Дюлок.
Ему всегда нравилось жить в мирном уединении своего болота. Лучшие друзья Шрека-осел и кот в сапогах. Шрек очень забавный.
Сценарий фильма Шрек/ Shrek на английском языке бесплатно
Здесь вы можете найти сценарий к фильму: Шрек/ Shrek.
MAN1 Think it’s in there?
MAN2 All right. Let’s get it!
MAN1 Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? MAN3 Yeah, it’ll grind your bones for it’s bread. Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs.
SHREK Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they’re much worse. They’ll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. MEN No!
SHREK They’ll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it’s quite good on toast. MAN1 Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (waves the torch at Shrek.) Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the men are in the dark. SHREK This is the part where you run away. (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.) And stay out! (looks down and picks up a piece of paper. Reads.) «Wanted. Fairy tale creatures.»(He sighs and throws the paper over his shoulder.) THE NEXT DAY
There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto who’s carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three little pigs. GUARD All right. This one’s full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up! HEAD GUARD Next!
GUARD (taking the witch’s broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over. (breaks the broom in half) HEAD GUARD That’s 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! GUARD Get up! Come on!
HEAD GUARD Twenty pieces.
LITTLE BEAR (crying) This cage is too small.
DONKEY Please, don’t turn me in. I’ll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! OLD WOMAN Oh, shut up. (jerks his rope)
HEAD GUARD Next! What have you got?
GIPETTO This little wooden puppet.
PINOCCHIO I’m not a puppet. I’m a real boy. (his nose grows) HEAD GUARD Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. PINOCCHIO Father, please! Don’t let them do this! Help me! Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up to the table. HEAD GUARD Next! What have you got?
OLD WOMAN Well, I’ve got a talking donkey.
HEAD GUARD Right. Well, that’s good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. OLD WOMAN Oh, go ahead, little fella.
Donkey just looks up at her.
OLD WOMAN Oh, oh, he’s just. he’s just a little nervous. He’s really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt. HEAD GUARD That’s it. I’ve heard enough. Guards! OLD WOMAN No, no, he talks! He does. (pretends to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to talk. I’m the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. HEAD GUARD Get her out of my sight.
OLD WOMAN No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!
The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan’s hands, and her cage drops on Donkey’s head. He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and he’s able to fly. DONKEY Hey! I can fly!
PETER PAN He can fly!
3 LITTLE PIGS He can fly!
HEAD GUARD He can talk!
DONKEY Ha, ha! That’s right, fool! Now I’m a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain’t never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins to wear off) Uh-oh. (he begins to sink to the ground.) He hits the ground with a thud.
HEAD GUARD Seize him! (Donkey takes of running.) After him! GUARDS He’s getting away! Get him! This way! Turn! Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Literally. Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. He quickly hides behind Shrek. HEAD GUARD You there. Ogre!
HEAD GUARD By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement facility. SHREK Oh, really? You and what army?
He looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well and we see that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail and runs off. Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and begins walking back to his cottage. DONKEY Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin’ back here. Incredible! SHREK Are you talkin’ to. (he turns around and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him.) Whoa! DONKEY Yes. I was talkin’ to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin’ over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. SHREK Oh, that’s great. Really.
DONKEY Man, it’s good to be free.
DONKEY Really, really.
DONKEY Man, I like you. What’s you name?
DONKEY Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don’t-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. (They come over a hill and you can see Shrek’s cottage.) Whoa! Look at that. Who’d want to live in place like that? SHREK That would be my home.
DONKEY Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It’s amazing what you’ve done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess you don’t entertain much, do you? SHREK I like my privacy.
DONKEY You know, I do too. That’s another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You’ve trying to give them a hint, and they won’t leave. There’s that awkward silence. (awkward silence) Can I stay with you? SHREK Uh, what?
DONKEY Can I stay with you, please?
SHREK (sarcastically) Of course!
DONKEY Please! I don’t wanna go back there! You don’t know what it’s like to be considered a freak. (pause while he looks at Shrek) Well, maybe you do. But that’s why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please! SHREK Okay! Okay! But one night only.
DONKEY Ah! Thank you! (he runs inside the cottage) SHREK What are you. (Donkey hops up onto a chair.) No! No! DONKEY This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin’ manly stories, and in the mornin’ I’m makin’ waffles. SHREK Oh!
DONKEY Where do, uh, I sleep?
SHREK (irritated) Outside!
Shrek is getting ready for dinner. He sits himself down and lights a candle made out of earwax. He begins to eat when he hears a noise. He stands up with a huff. SHREK (to Donkey) I thought I told you to stay outside. DONKEY (from the window) I am outside.
There is another noise and Shrek turns to find the person that made the noise. He sees several shadows moving. He finally turns and spots 3 blind mice on his table. BLIND MOUSE1 Well, gents, it’s a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? BLIND MOUSE2 It’s not home, but it’ll do just fine. GORDO (bouncing on a slug) What a lovely bed. SHREK Got ya. (Grabs a mouse, but it escapes and lands on his shoulder.) GORDO I found some cheese. (bites Shrek’s ear) SHREK Ow!
GORDO Blah! Awful stuff.
BLIND MOUSE1 Is that you, Gordo?
GORDO How did you know?
SHREK Enough! (he grabs the 3 mice) What are you doing in my house? (He gets bumped from behind and he drops the mice.) Hey! (he turns and sees the Seven Dwarves with Snow White on the table.) Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. DWARF Where are we supposed to put her? The bed’s taken. SHREK Huh?
Shrek marches over to the bedroom and throws back the curtain. The Big Bad Wolf is sitting in the bed. The wolf just looks at him. BIG BAD WOLF What?
Shrek now has the Big Bad Wolf by the collar and is dragging him to the front door. SHREK I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I’m a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do get a little privacy? (He opens the front door to throw the Wolf out and he sees that all the collected Fairy Tale Creatures are on his land.) Oh, no. No! No! The 3 bears sit around the fire, the pied piper is playing his pipe and the rats are all running to him, some elves are directing flight traffic so that the fairies and witches can land. etc. SHREK What are you doing in my swamp? (this echoes and everyone falls silent.) Gasps are heard all around. The 3 good fairies hide inside a tent. SHREK All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let’s go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! Quickly. Come on! (more dwarves run inside the house) No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. (they shut the door on him) Oh! (turns to look at Donkey) DONKEY Hey, don’t look at me. I didn’t invite them. PINOCCHIO Oh, gosh, no one invited us.
PINOCCHIO We were forced to come here.
SHREK (flabbergasted) By who?
LITTLE PIG Lord Farquaad. He huffed and he puffed and he. signed an eviction notice. SHREK (heavy sigh) All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? Everyone looks around at each other but no one answers.
DONKEY Oh, I do. I know where he is.
SHREK Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all? DONKEY Me! Me!
DONKEY Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me! SHREK (sigh) Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I’m gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from! (Pause. Then the crowd goes wild.) Oh! (to Donkey) You! You’re comin’ with me. DONKEY All right, that’s what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! DONKEY (singing) On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek. I can’t wait to get on the road again. SHREK What did I say about singing?
DONKEY Can I whistle?
DONKEY Can I hum it?
SHREK All right, hum it.
Donkey begins to hum ‘On the Road Again’.
A masked man is torturing the Gingerbread Man. He’s continually dunking him in a glass of milk. Lord Farquaad walks in. FARQUAAD That’s enough. He’s ready to talk. The Gingerbread Man is pulled out of the milk and slammed down onto a cookie sheet. Farquaad laughs as he walks over to the table. However when he reaches the table we see that it goes up to his eyes. He clears his throat and the table is lowered. FARQUAAD (he picks up the Gingerbread Man’s legs and plays with them) Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can’t catch me. I’m the gingerbread man. GINGERBREAD MAN You are a monster.
FARQUAAD I’m not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others? GINGERBREAD MAN Eat me! (He spits milk into Farquaad’s eye.) FARQUAAD I’ve tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I’ll. (he makes as if to pull off the Gingerbread Man’s buttons) GINGERBREAD MAN No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. FARQUAAD All right then. Who’s hiding them? GINGERBREAD MAN Okay, I’ll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? FARQUAAD The muffin man?
GINGERBREAD MAN The muffin man.
FARQUAAD Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane? GINGERBREAD MAN Well, she’s married to the muffin man. FARQUAAD The muffin man?
GINGERBREAD MAN The muffin man!
FARQUAAD She’s married to the muffin man.
The door opens and the Head Guard walks in.
HEAD GUARD My lord! We found it.
FARQUAAD Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. More guards enter carrying something that is covered by a sheet. They hang up whatever it is and remove the sheet. It is the Magic Mirror. GINGERBREAD MAN (in awe) Ohhhh.
FARQUAAD Magic mirror.
GINGERBREAD MAN Don’t tell him anything! (Farquaad picks him up and dumps him into a trash can with a lid.) No! FARQUAAD Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? MIRROR Well, technically you’re not a king. FARQUAAD Uh, Thelonius. (Thelonius holds up a hand mirror and smashes it with his fist.) You were saying? MIRROR What I mean is you’re not a king yet. But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess. FARQUAAD Go on.
MIRROR (chuckles nervously) So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it’s time for you to meet today’s eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. (shows picture of Cinderella) Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she’s not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! (shows picture of Snow White) And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don’t let that cool you off. She’s a loaded pistol who likes pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! (Shows picture of Princess Fiona) So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? GUARDS Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three! FARQUAAD Three? One? Three?
THELONIUS Three! (holds up 2 fingers) Pick number three, my lord! FARQUAAD Okay, okay, uh, number three!
MIRROR Lord Farquaad, you’ve chosen Princess Fiona. FARQUAAD Princess Fiona. She’s perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go. MIRROR But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. FARQUAAD I’ll do it.
MIRROR Yes, but after sunset.
Shrek and Donkey come out of the field that is right by the parking lot. The castle itself is about 40 stories high. DONKEY But that’s it. That’s it right there. That’s DuLoc. I told ya I’d find it. SHREK So, that must be Lord Farquaad’s castle. DONKEY Uh-huh. That’s the place.
SHREK Do you think maybe he’s compensating for something? (He laughs, but then groans as Donkey doesn’t get the joke. He continues walking through the parking lot.) DONKEY Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.
They look around but all is quiet.
SHREK It’s quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody? DONKEY Hey, look at this!
Donkey runs over and pulls a lever that is attached to a box marked ‘Information’. The music winds up and then the box doors open up. There are little wooden people inside and they begin to sing. WOODEN PEOPLE Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town Here we have some rules
Let us lay them down
Don’t make waves, stay in line
And we’ll get along fine
DuLoc is perfect place
Please keep off of the grass
Shine your shoes, wipe your. face
DuLoc is perfect place.
Suddenly a camera takes Donkey and Shrek’s picture.
DONKEY Wow! Let’s do that again! (makes ready to run over and pull the lever again) SHREK (grabs Donkey’s tail and holds him still) No. No. No, no, no! No. They hear a trumpet fanfare and head over to the arena.
FARQUAAD Brave knights. You are the best and brightest in all the land. Today one of you shall prove himself. As Shrek and Donkey walk down the tunnel to get into the arena Donkey is humming the DuLoc theme song. SHREK All right. You’re going the right way for a smacked bottom. DONKEY Sorry about that.
SHREK Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. (bumps into a table where there are mugs of beer) CROWD Go ahead! Get him!
SHREK (holds up a mug of beer) Can’t we just settle this over a pint? CROWD Kill the beast!
SHREK No? All right then. (drinks the beer) Come on! He takes the mug and smashes the spigot off the large barrel of beer behind him. The beer comes rushing out drenching the other men and wetting the ground. It’s like mud now. Shrek slides past the men and picks up a spear that one of the men dropped. As Shrek begins to fight Donkey hops up onto one of the larger beer barrels. It breaks free of it’s ropes and begins to roll. Donkey manages to squish two men into the mud. There is so much fighting going on here I’m not going to go into detail. Suffice to say that Shrek kicks butt. DONKEY Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!
Shrek comes over and bangs a man’s head up against Donkeys. Shrek gets up on the ropes and interacts with the crowd. SHREK Yeah!
A man tries to sneak up behind Shrek, but Shrek turns in time and sees him. WOMAN The chair! Give him the chair!
Shrek smashes a chair over the guys back. Finally all the men are down. Donkey kicks one of them in the helmet, and the ding sounds the end of the match. The audience goes wild. SHREK Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I’m here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! (laughs) The laughter stops as all of the guards turn their weapons on Shrek. HEAD GUARD Shall I give the order, sir?
FARQUAAD No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion! SHREK What?
FARQUAAD Congratulations, ogre. You’re won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. SHREK Quest? I’m already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. FARQUAAD Your swamp?
SHREK Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures! FARQUAAD Indeed. All right, ogre. I’ll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I’ll give you your swamp back. SHREK Exactly the way it was?
FARQUAAD Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. SHREK And the squatters?
FARQUAAD As good as gone.
SHREK What kind of quest?
SHREK For your information, there’s a lot more to ogres than people think. DONKEY Example?
SHREK Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions. (he holds out his onion) DONKEY (sniffs the onion) They stink?
DONKEY They make you cry?
DONKEY You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin’ little white hairs. SHREK No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. (he heaves a sigh and then walks off) DONKEY (trailing after Shrek) Oh, you both have layers. Oh.
Shrek and Donkey are walking up to the keep that’s supposed to house Princess Fiona. It appears to look like a giant volcano. DONKEY (sniffs) Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that? You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything. SHREK Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you’d be dead. (sniffs) It’s brimstone. We must be getting close. DONKEY Yeah, right, brimstone. Don’t be talking about it’s the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn’t no brimstone. It didn’t come off no stone neither. They climb up the side of the volcano/keep and look down. There is a small piece of rock right in the center and that is where the castle is. It is surrounded by boiling lava. It looks very foreboding. SHREK Sure, it’s big enough, but look at the location. (laughs. then the laugh turns into a groan) DONKEY Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said ogres have layers? SHREK Oh, aye.
DONKEY Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don’t have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. SHREK Wait a second. Donkeys don’t have sleeves. DONKEY You know what I mean.
SHREK You can’t tell me you’re afraid of heights. DONKEY No, I’m just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling like of lava! SHREK Come on, Donkey. I’m right here beside ya, okay? For emotional support., we’ll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. DONKEY Really?
SHREK Really, really.
DONKEY Okay, that makes me feel so much better. SHREK Just keep moving. And don’t look down. DONKEY Okay, don’t look down. Don’t look down. Don’t look down. Keep on moving. Don’t look down. (he steps through a rotting board and ends up looking straight down into the lava) Shrek! I’m lookin’ down! Oh, God, I can’t do this! Just let me off, please! SHREK But you’re already halfway.
DONKEY But I know that half is safe!
SHREK Okay, fine. I don’t have time for this. You go back. DONKEY Shrek, no! Wait!
SHREK Oh, I’m sorry. Do what? Oh, this? (bounces the bridge again) DONKEY Yes, that!
SHREK Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. (continues to bounce and sway as he backs Donkey across the bridge) DONKEY No, Shrek! No! Stop it!
SHREK You said do it! I’m doin’ it.
DONKEY I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die. Shrek, I’m gonna die. (steps onto solid ground) Oh! SHREK That’ll do, Donkey. That’ll do. (walks towards the castle) DONKEY Cool. So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? SHREK Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. (chuckles) DONKEY I was talkin’ about the dragon, Shrek. INSIDE THE CASTLE
Donkey is still talking to himself as he looks around the room. DONKEY I’m gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don’t mess with me. I’m the stair master. I’ve mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I’d step all over it. ELSEWHERE
Shrek spots a light in the tallest tower window.
SHREK Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where’s the. DONKEY (os) Dragon!
Donkey gasps and takes off running as the dragon roars again. Shrek manages to grab Donkey out of the way just as the dragon breathes fire. SHREK Donkey, look out! (he manages to get a hold of the dragons tail and holds on) Got ya! The dragon gets irritated at this and flicks it’s tail and Shrek goes flying through the air and crashes through the roof of the tallest tower. Fiona wakes up with a jerk and looks at him lying on the floor. DONKEY Oh! Aah! Aah!
Shrek groans as he gets up off the floor. His back is to Fiona so she straightens her dress and lays back down on the bed. She then quickly reaches over and gets the bouquet of flowers off the side table. She then lays back down and appears to be asleep. Shrek turns and goes over to her. He looks down at Fiona for a moment and she puckers her lips. Shrek takes her by the shoulders and shakes her away. FIONA Oh! Oh!
SHREK Are you Princess Fiona?
FIONA I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. SHREK Oh, that’s nice. Now let’s go!
FIONA But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? SHREK Yeah, sorry, lady. There’s no time. FIONA Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. SHREK You’ve had a lot of time to plan this, haven’t you? FIONA (smiles) Mm-hmm.
Shrek breaks the lock on her door and pulls her out and down the hallway. FIONA But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something! SHREK I don’t think so.
FIONA Can I at least know the name of my champion? SHREK Uh, Shrek.
FIONA Sir Shrek. (clears throat and holds out a handkerchief) I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. SHREK Thanks!
Suddenly they hear the dragon roar.
FIONA (surprised)You didn’t slay the dragon? SHREK It’s on my to-do list. Now come on! (takes off running and drags Fiona behind him.) FIONA But this isn’t right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That’s what all the other knights did. SHREK Yeah, right before they burst into flame. FIONA That’s not the point. (Shrek suddenly stops and she runs into him.) Oh! (Shrek ignores her and heads for a wooden door off to the side.) Wait. Where are you going? The exit’s over there. SHREK Well, I have to save my ass.
FIONA What kind of knight are you?
SHREK Yeah, it’s getting him to shut up that’s the trick. They all start screaming as the dragon gains on them. Shrek spots a descending slide and jumps on. But unfortunately there is a crack in the stone and it hits Shrek right in the groin. His eyes cross and as he reaches the bottom of the slide he stumbles off and walks lightly. SHREK Oh!
Shrek gets them close to the exit and sets down Donkey and Fiona. SHREK Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I’ll take care of the dragon. Shrek grabs a sword and heads back toward the interior of the castle. He throws the sword down in between several overlapping chain links. The chain links are attached to the chandelier that is still around the dragons neck. SHREK (echoing) Run!
SHREK I have helmet hair.
FIONA But how will you kiss me?
SHREK What? (to Donkey) That wasn’t in the job description. DONKEY Maybe it’s a perk.
Both Donkey and Shrek burst out laughing.
DONKEY You think Shrek is your true love! FIONA What is so funny?
SHREK I’m not going to.
SHREK You’re not making my job any easier. FIONA I’m sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I’ll be waiting for him right here. SHREK Hey! I’m no one’s messenger boy, all right? (ominous) I’m a delivery boy. (he swiftly picks her up and swings her over his shoulder like she was a sack of potatoes) FIONA You wouldn’t dare. Put me down!
SHREK Ya comin’, Donkey?
DONKEY I’m right behind ya.
FIONA Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down! WOODS
A little time has passed and Fiona has calmed down. She just hangs there limply while Shrek carries her. DONKEY Okay, so here’s another question. Say there’s a woman that digs you, right, but you don’t really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren’t hurt, but you don’t get burned to a crisp and eaten? FIONA You just tell her she’s not your true love. Everyone knows what happens when you find your. (Shrek drops her on the ground) Hey! The sooner we get to DuLoc the better. DONKEY You’re gonna love it there, Princess. It’s beautiful! FIONA And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What’s he like? SHREK Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad’s stature are in short supply. (he and Donkey laugh) Shrek then proceeds to splash water onto his face to wash off the dust and grime. DONKEY I don’t know. There are those who think little of him. (they laugh again) Fiona: Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You’re just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. SHREK Yeah, well, maybe you’re right, Princess. But I’ll let you do the «measuring» when you see him tomorrow. FIONA (looks at the setting sun) Tomorrow? It’ll take that long? Shouldn’t we stop to make camp? SHREK No, that’ll take longer. We can keep going. FIONA But there’s robbers in the woods.
DONKEY Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camp is starting to sound good. SHREK Hey, come on. I’m scarier than anything we’re going to see in this forest. FIONA I need to find somewhere to camp now! Both Donkey and Shrek’s ears lower as they shrink away from her. MOUNTAIN CLIFF
Shrek has found a cave that appears to be in good order. He shoves a stone boulder out of the way to reveal the cave. SHREK Hey! Over here.
DONKEY Shrek, we can do better than that. I don’t think this is fit for a princess. FIONA No, no, it’s perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. SHREK Homey touches? Like what? (he hears a tearing noise and looks over at Fiona who has torn the bark off of a tree.) FIONA A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. (goes into the cave and puts the bark door up behind her) DONKEY You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will. FIONA (os) I said good night!
Shrek looks at Donkey for a second and then goes to move the boulder back in front of the entrance to the cave with Fiona still inside. DONKEY Shrek, What are you doing?
Shrek and Donkey are sitting around a campfire. They are staring up into the sky as Shrek points out certain star constellations to Donkey. SHREK And, uh, that one, that’s Throwback, the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields. DONKEY Right. Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future from these stars? SHREK The stars don’t tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there’s Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he’s famous for. DONKEY I know you’re making this up.
SHREK No, look. There he is, and there’s the group of hunters running away from his stench. DONKEY That ain’t nothin’ but a bunch of little dots. SHREK You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it. DONKEY (heaves a big sigh) Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? SHREK Our swamp?
DONKEY You know, when we’re through rescuing the princess. SHREK We? Donkey, there’s no «we». There’s no «our». There’s just me and my swamp. The first thing I’m gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land. DONKEY You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. SHREK No, do ya think?
DONKEY Are you hidin’ something?
SHREK Never mind, Donkey.
DONKEY Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn’t it? SHREK No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things. DONKEY Why don’t you want to talk about it? SHREK Why do you want to talk about it?
DONKEY Why are you blocking?
SHREK I’m not blocking.
DONKEY Oh, yes, you are.
SHREK Donkey, I’m warning you.
DONKEY Who you trying to keep out?
SHREK Everyone! Okay?
DONKEY (pause) Oh, now we’re gettin’ somewhere. (grins) At this point Fiona pulls the ‘door’ away from the entrance to the cave and peaks out. Neither of the guys see her. SHREK Oh! For the love of Pete! (gets up and walks over to the edge of the cliff and sits down) DONKEY What’s your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway? SHREK Look, I’m not the one with the problem, okay? It’s the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go. «Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly ogre!» They judge me before they even know me. That’s why I’m better off alone. DONKEY You know what? When we met, I didn’t think you was just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. SHREK Yeah, I know.
DONKEY So, uh, are there any donkeys up there? SHREK Well, there’s, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying. DONKEY Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there? Fiona puts the door back.
SHREK That’s the moon.
The camera pans over a lot of wedding stuff. Soft music plays in the background. Farquaad is in bed, watching as the Magic Mirror shows him Princess Fiona. FARQUAAD Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. MIRROR Hmph.
The Mirror rewinds and begins to play again from the beginning. FARQUAAD Ah. Perfect.
Farquaad looks down at his bare chest and pulls the sheet up to cover himself as though Fiona could see him as he gazes sheepishly at her image in the mirror. MORNING
Fiona walks out of the cave. She glances at Shrek and Donkey who are still sleeping. She wanders off into the woods and comes across a blue bird. She begins to sing. The bird sings along with her. She hits higher and higher notes and the bird struggles to keep up with her. Suddenly the pressure of the note is too big and the bird explodes. Fiona looks a little sheepish, but she eyes the eggs that the bird left behind. Time lapse, Fiona is now cooking the eggs for breakfast. Shrek and Donkey are still sleeping. Shrek wakes up and looks at Fiona. Donkey’s talking in his sleep. DONKEY (quietly) Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that. Come on, baby. I said I like it. SHREK Donkey, wake up. (shakes him)
DONKEY What? (stretches and yawns)
FIONA Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs? DONKEY Oh, good morning, Princess!
Fiona gets up and sets the eggs down in front of them.
SHREK What’s all this about?
FIONA You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. SHREK Uh, thanks.
Donkey sniffs the eggs and licks his lips.
FIONA Well, eat up. We’ve got a big day ahead of us. (walks off) LATER
They are once again on their way. They are walking through the forest. Shrek belches. DONKEY Shrek!
SHREK What? It’s a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. (laughs) DONKEY Well, it’s no way to behave in front of a princess. Fiona belches
DONKEY She’s as nasty as you are.
SHREK (chuckles) You know, you’re not exactly what I expected. FIONA Well, maybe you shouldn’t judge people before you get to know them. She smiles and then continues walking, singing softly. Suddenly from out of nowhere, a man swings down and swoops Fiona up into a tree. ROBIN HOOD La liberte! Hey!
FIONA (to Robin Hood) What are you doing? ROBIN HOOD Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from this green. (kisses up her arm while Fiona pulls back in disgust). beast. SHREK Hey! That’s my princess! Go find you own! ROBIN HOOD Please, monster! Can’t you see I’m a little busy here? FIONA (getting fed up) Look, pal, I don’t know who you think you are! ROBIN HOOD Oh! Of course! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduce myself. Oh, Merry Men. (laughs) Suddenly an accordion begins to play and the Merry men pop out from the bushes. They begin to sing Robin’s theme song. MERRY MEN Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo.
ROBIN HOOD I steal from the rich and give to the needy. MERRY MEN He takes a wee percentage,
ROBIN HOOD But I’m not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels, man, I’m good. MERRY MEN What a guy, Monsieur Hood.
ROBIN HOOD Break it down. I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid. MERRY MEN What he’s basically saying is he likes to get. ROBIN HOOD Paid. So. When an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush. That’s bad. MERRY MEN That’s bad.
ROBIN HOOD When a beauty’s with a beast it makes me awfully mad. MERRY MEN He’s mad, he’s really, really mad. ROBIN HOOD I’ll take my blade and ram it through your heart, keep your eyes on me, boys ’cause I’m about to start. There is a grunt as Fiona swings down from the tree limb and knocks Robin Hood unconscious. FIONA Man, that was annoying!
Shrek looks at her in admiration.
SHREK Hold the phone. (drops Donkey and begins walking after Fiona) Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from? FIONA What?
SHREK That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that? FIONA Well. (laughs) when one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there’s a. (gasps and points) there’s an arrow in your butt! SHREK What? (turns and looks) Oh, would you look at that? (he goes to pull it out but flinches because it’s tender) FIONA Oh, no. This is all my fault. I’m so sorry. DONKEY (walking up) Why? What’s wrong?
DONKEY Shrek’s hurt. Shrek’s hurt? Oh, no, Shrek’s gonna die. SHREK Donkey, I’m okay.
DONKEY You can’t do this to me, Shrek. I’m too young for you to die. Keep you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich? FIONA Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. DONKEY Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I’m on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Don’t die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! SHREK & FIONA Donkey!
DONKEY Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. (runs off) SHREK What are the flowers for?
FIONA (like it’s obvious) For getting rid of Donkey. SHREK Ah.
FIONA Now you hold still, and I’ll yank this thing out. (gives the arrow a little pull) SHREK (jumps away) Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin’. As they continue to talk Fiona keeps going after the arrow and Shrek keeps dodging her hands. FIONA I’m sorry, but it has to come out. SHREK No, it’s tender.
SHREK What you’re doing is the opposite of help. FIONA Don’t move.
SHREK Look, time out.
FIONA Would you. (grunts as Shrek puts his hand over her face to stop her from getting at the arrow) Okay. What do you propose we do? ELSEWHERE
Donkey is still looking for the special flower.
DONKEY Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn’t color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns. SHREK (os) Ow!
DONKEY Hold on, Shrek! I’m comin’! (rips a flower off a nearby bush that just happens to be a blue flower with red thorns) THE FOREST PATH
FIONA Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. (Shrek grunts as she pulls) It’s just about. SHREK Ow! Ohh! (he jerks and manages to fall over with Fiona on top of him) DONKEY Ahem.
SHREK There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you. FIONA That’s DuLoc?
FIONA I mean, look at him. He doesn’t look so good. DONKEY What are you talking about? I’m fine. FIONA (kneels to look him in the eyes) That’s what they always say, and then next thing you know, you’re on your back. (pause) Dead. SHREK You know, she’s right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down? FIONA Uh, you know, I’ll make you some tea. DONKEY I didn’t want to say nothin’, but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look, (turns his neck in a very sharp way until his head is completely sideways) Ow! See? SHREK Who’s hungry? I’ll find us some dinner. FIONA I’ll get the firewood.
DONKEY Hey, where you goin’? Oh, man, I can’t feel my toes! (looks down and yelps) I don’t have any toes! I think I need a hug. SUNSET
Shrek has built a fire and is cooking the rest of dinner while Fiona eats. FIONA Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this? SHREK Uh, weed rat. Rotisserie style.
FIONA No kidding. Well, this is delicious. SHREK Well, they’re also great in stews. Now, I don’t mean to brag, but I make a mean weed rat stew. (chuckles) Fiona looks at DuLoc and sighs.
They smiles at each other.
SHREK I, um, I was wondering. are you. (sighs) Are you gonna eat that? DONKEY (chuckles) Man, isn’t this romantic? Just look at that sunset. FIONA (jumps up) Sunset? Oh, no! I mean, it’s late. I-It’s very late. SHREK What?
Fiona goes inside the windmill and closes the door. Donkey looks at Shrek with a new eye. DONKEY Ohh! Now I really see what’s goin’ on here. SHREK Oh, what are you talkin’ about?
SHREK Yeah. An ogre.
DONKEY Hey, where you goin’?
SHREK To get. move firewood. (sighs)
Donkey looks over at the large pile of firewood there already is. TIME LAPSE
Donkey opens the door to the Windmill and walks in. Fiona is nowhere to be seen. DONKEY Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? Princess? Fiona looks at Donkey from the shadows, but we can’t see her. DONKEY It’s very spooky in here. I ain’t playing no games. Suddenly Fiona falls from the railing. She gets up only she doesn’t look like herself. She looks like an ogre and Donkey starts freaking out. DONKEY Aah!
DONKEY Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
FIONA No, it’s okay. It’s okay.
DONKEY What did you do with the princess? FIONA Donkey, I’m the princess.
FIONA It’s me, in this body.
DONKEY Oh, my God! You ate the princess. (to her stomach) Can you hear me? FIONA Donkey!
DONKEY (still aimed at her stomach) Listen, keep breathing! I’ll get you out of there! FIONA No!
DONKEY Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
Donkey looks into her eyes as she pets his muzzle, and he quiets down. DONKEY Princess? What happened to you? You’re, uh, uh, uh, different. FIONA I’m ugly, okay?
FIONA (os) My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. Shrek heaves a deep sigh. He throws the flower down and walks away. INSIDE
FIONA Don’t you see, Donkey? That’s just how it has to be. It’s the only way to break the spell. DONKEY You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. FIONA No! You can’t breathe a word. No one must ever know. DONKEY What’s the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? FIONA Promise you won’t tell. Promise!
DONKEY All right, all right. I won’t tell him. But you should. (goes outside) I just know before this is over, I’m gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin’. Fiona comes out the door and watches him walk away. She looks down and spots the sunflower. She picks it up before going back inside the windmill. MORNING
Donkey is asleep. Shrek is nowhere to be seen. Fiona is still awake. She is plucking petals from the sunflower. FIONA I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. (she quickly runs to the door and goes outside) Shrek! Shrek, there’s something I want. (she looks and sees the rising sun, and as the sun crests the sky she turns back into a human.) Just as she looks back at the sun she sees Shrek stomping towards her. FIONA Shrek. Are you all right?
SHREK Perfect! Never been better.
FIONA I thought you’d understand.
SHREK Oh, I understand. Like you said, «Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?» FIONA But I thought that wouldn’t matter to you. SHREK Yeah? Well, it does. (Fiona looks at him in shock. He looks past her and spots a group approaching.) Ah, right on time. Princess, I’ve brought you a little something. Farquaad has arrived with a group of his men. He looks very regal sitting up on his horse. You would never guess that he’s only like 3 feet tall. Donkey wakes up with a yawn as the soldiers march by. DONKEY What’d I miss? What’d I miss? (spots the soldiers) (muffled) Who said that? Couldn’t have been the donkey. FARQUAAD Princess Fiona.
SHREK As promised. Now hand it over.
FARQUAAD Very well, ogre. (holds out a piece of paper) The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed. Take it and go before I change my mind. (Shrek takes the paper) Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I’m Lord Farquaad. FIONA Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. (Farquaad snaps his fingers) Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short. (Watches as Farquaad is lifted off his horse and set down in front of her. He comes to her waist.) farewell. FARQUAAD Oh, that is so sweet. You don’t have to waste good manners on the ogre. It’s not like it has feelings. FIONA No, you’re right. It doesn’t.
Farquaad’s whole party begins to head back to DuLoc. Donkey watches them go. DONKEY Shrek, what are you doing? You’re letting her get away. SHREK Yeah? So what?
SHREK Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong! (stomps off) DONKEY Shrek.
Montage of different scenes. Shrek arriving back home. Fiona being fitted for the wedding dress. Donkey at a stream running into the dragon. Shrek cleaning up his house. Fiona eating dinner alone. Shrek eating dinner alone. SHREK’S HOME
Shrek is eating dinner when he hears a sound outside. He goes outside to investigate. SHREK Donkey? (Donkey ignores him and continues with what he’s doing.) What are you doing? DONKEY I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. SHREK Well, yeah. But the wall’s supposed to go around my swamp, not through it. DONKEY It is around your half. See that’s your half, and this is my half. SHREK Oh! Your half. Hmm.
DONKEY Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head. SHREK Back off!
DONKEY No, you back off.
SHREK This is my swamp!
SHREK (grabs the tree branch Donkey is working with) Let go, Donkey! DONKEY You let go.
SHREK Stubborn jackass!
DONKEY Smelly ogre.
SHREK Fine! (drops the tree branch and walks away) DONKEY Hey, hey, come back here. I’m not through with you yet. SHREK Well, I’m through with you.
DONKEY Uh-uh. You know, with you it’s always, «Me, me, me!» Well, guess what! Now it’s my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me and you don’t appreciate anything that I do! You’re always pushing me around or pushing me away. SHREK Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? DONKEY Because that’s what friends do! They forgive each other! SHREK Oh, yeah. You’re right, Donkey. I forgive you. for stabbin’ me in the back! (goes into the outhouse and slams the door) DONKEY Ohh! You’re so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you’re afraid of your own feelings. SHREK (os) Go away!
SHREK Okay, look. I’m sorry, all right? (sigh) I’m sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. Can you forgive me? DONKEY Hey, that’s what friends are for, right? SHREK Right. Friends?
SHREK So, um, what did Fiona say about me? DONKEY What are you asking me for? Why don’t you just go ask her? SHREK The wedding! We’ll never make it in time. DONKEY Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there’s a will, there’s a way and I have a way. (whistles) Suddenly the dragon arrives overhead and flies low enough so they can climb on. SHREK Donkey?
DONKEY I guess it’s just my animal magnetism. They both laugh.
SHREK Aw, come here, you. (gives Donkey a noogie) DONKEY All right, all right. Don’t get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven’t had a chance to install the seat belts yet. They climb aboard the dragon and she takes off for DuLoc.
Fiona and Farquaad are getting married. The whole town is there. The prompter card guy holds up a card that says ‘Revered Silence’. PRIEST People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witness to the union. FIONA (eyeing the setting sun) Um-
FIONA Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the «I do’s»? FARQUAAD (chuckles and then motions to the priest to indulge Fiona) Go on. COURTYARD
Some guards are milling around. Suddenly the dragon lands with a boom. The guards all take off running. DONKEY (to Dragon) Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I’ll whistle. How about that? (she nods and goes after the guards) Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don’t you? SHREK (at the Church door) What are you talking about? DONKEY There’s a line you gotta wait for. The preacher’s gonna say, «Speak now or forever hold your peace.» That’s when you say, «I object!» SHREK I don’t have time for this!
DONKEY Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don’t you? SHREK Yes.
DONKEY You wanna hold her?
DONKEY (singing James Brown style) Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. (normal) The chicks love that romantic crap! SHREK All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? DONKEY We gotta check it out.
As the priest talks we see Donkey’s shadow through one of the windows Shrek tosses him up so he can see. PRIEST And so, by the power vested in me. Outside
SHREK What do you see?
DONKEY The whole town’s in there.
PRIEST I now pronounce you husband and wife. Outside
DONKEY They’re at the altar.
DONKEY Mother Fletcher! He already said it. SHREK Oh, for the love of Pete!
He runs inside without catching Donkey, who hits the ground hard. INSIDE CHURCH
SHREK (running toward the alter) I object! FIONA Shrek?
The whole congregation gasps as they see Shrek.
FARQUAAD Oh, now what does he want?
SHREK (to congregation as he reaches the front of the Church) Hi, everyone. Havin’ a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first of all. Very clean. FIONA What are you doing here?
SHREK Really, it’s rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding. SHREK Fiona! I need to talk to you.
FARQUAAD Oh, this is precious. The ogee has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord. (laughs) The prompter card guy holds up a card that says ‘Laugh’. The whole congregation laughs. FARQUAAD An ogre and a princess!
FIONA Shrek, is this true?
FARQUAAD Who cares? It’s preposterous! Fiona, my love, we’re but a kiss away from our «happily ever after.» Now kiss me! (puckers his lips and leans toward her, but she pulls back.) FIONA (looking at the setting sun) «By night one way, by day another.» (to Shrek) I wanted to show you before. She backs up and as the sun sets she changes into her ogre self. She gives Shrek a sheepish smile. SHREK Well, uh, that explains a lot. (Fiona smiles) FARQUAAD Ugh! It’s disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both! The guards run in and separate Fiona and Shrek. Shrek fights them. SHREK No, no!
FARQUAAD This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See? See? FIONA No, let go of me! Shrek!
FARQUAAD Don’t just stand there, you morons. SHREK Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh!
FARQUAAD I’ll make you regret the day we met. I’ll see you drawn and quartered! You’ll beg for death to save you! FIONA No, Shrek!
FARQUAAD (hold a dagger to Fiona’s throat) And as for you, my wife. SHREK Fiona!
FARQUAAD I’ll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! I’m king! Shrek manages to get a hand free and he whistles.
DONKEY Go ahead, Shrek.
SHREK Really, really.
FIONA (smiles) I love you too.
Shrek and Fiona kiss. Thelonius takes one of the cards and writes ‘Awwww’ on the back and then shows it to the congregation. CONGREGATION Aawww!
Suddenly the magic of the spell pulls Fiona away. She’s lifted up into the air and she hovers there while the magic works around her. WHISPERS «Until you find true love’s first kiss and then take love’s true form. Take love’s true form. Take love’s true form.» Suddenly Fiona’s eyes open wide. She’s consumed by the spell and then is slowly lowered to the ground. SHREK (going over to her) Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right? FIONA (standing up, she’s still an ogre) Well, yes. But I don’t understand. I’m supposed to be beautiful. SHREK But you ARE beautiful.
They smile at each other.
DONKEY (chuckles) I was hoping this would be a happy ending. Shrek and Fiona kiss. and the kiss fades into.
. their wedding kiss. Shrek and Fiona are now married. ‘I’m a Believer’ by Smashmouth is played in the background. Shrek and Fiona break apart and run through the crowd to their awaiting carriage. Which is made of a giant onion. Fiona tosses her bouquet which both Cinderella and Snow White try to catch. But they end up getting into a cat fight and so the dragon catches the bouquet instead. The Gingerbread man has been mended somewhat and now has one leg and walks with a candy cane cane. Shrek and Fiona walk off as the rest of the guests party and Donkey takes over singing the song. GINGERBREAD MAN God bless us, every one.
DONKEY (as he’s done singing and we fade to black) Oh, that’s funny. Oh. Oh. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.